Pirate Jokes

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“What’s a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?”

“I’ve always had trouble with me alphabet, mate – always get stuck at ‘C’!”

(Submitted by Graham / Simon)

What shivers at the bottom of the sea?

A nervous wreck …

(Submitted by Marcus)

What does a pirate call his friends in the military?

His ‘Aaaaar Me Mateys’

(Submitted by Jon-Paul)

Why are pirates called pirates / Hastings pirates the best?

Because they arrrrr …

(Submitted by Graham / Sarah)

When crashing the Governor’s banquet, what brand of suit does the knowledgable pirate choose?

Arrrrr-mani, ye scurvy dog!

(Submitted by Jon-Paul)

A Pirate walks into the Hastings Arms – barman asks “Where are your bucaneers?”

Pirate says “Either side of me baucan ‘ed!” Yar

(Submitted by @NetHuthero)

What does a pirate look for in a woman?

A big chest and plenty of booty … Arrrrrrr!

(Submitted by Jon-Paul)

I ‘ad me ears pierced …

Cost a buccaneer …

(Submitted by Anthony)

Sailor to pirate “‘ow did you get your peg leg?”

Pirate “It got blasted off by a cannon ball!”
Sailor “And yer hook?”
Pirate “It got got chopped off by a cutlass in a fearsome fight!”
Sailor “And your eye patch?”
Pirate “Seagull poo.”
Sailor “Seagull poo? That wouldn’t cause you to loose an eye?”
Pirate “No, it didn’t, but i’d just had me hook done!”

(Submitted by Emma)

How do you make a Pirate angry?

Take the “P” out of him.

(Submitted by Shane)

Why can’t you play cards with a Pirate?

’cause they’re always standing on the deck!

(Submitted by Mac)

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